From One Clingy Girlfriend to Another
Don’t let your love language get lost in translation.
Clingy has become a go-to moniker for women deemed “too much”. Our minds go straight to the trope of the crazy ex-girlfriend, the stalker, the girl who calls you at 3 am “just to check in”.
The first time my partner agreed I was, indeed, a clingy girlfriend, my heart sank. It took some introspection and open communication to discover that clinginess is not necessarily a red flag. Sometimes, it’s just a love language you haven’t figured out how to speak. Yes, I do occasionally act like a koala with my arms around my partner. I thrive with reassurance. There’s a line somewhere, and finding it is the key to remain endearing even when you really need all the affection in the world.
At the core of most clinginess is insecurity, which, no, does not make you undateable, but it does need to be managed with care. From one clingy girlfriend to another, I’m here to tell you it’s normal. I’m also here to give you some tips on how to embrace your clingy side without smothering someone.
Insecure? Talk about it.
I’m not suggesting you send an essay every time your partner forgets to say they love you when hanging up the phone, but do make time to have little check-ins. Checking in with your partner about the relationship might seem a little strange at first, so suggest a glass of wine or two to ease into it. The check in should give you both the chance to bring up any needs that aren’t being met and work on constructive ways of moving forward. If there’s a gap in affection, now is the time to bring it up.
Telling your partner about your insecurities is a part of being vulnerable with them, and relationships need vulnerability to survive.
Please don’t go through their phone or social media.
It’s not worth trying to decipher every photo they’ve ever “liked”. This kind of thing is only going to exacerbate your anxiety and push you further apart. If you don’t trust them, you need to examine that and consider working through it with a couple’s therapist. A genuine lack of trust isn’t something to brush aside.
Reminder: There’s a difference between clinginess and distrust. If…
